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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29309454">When His World Finally Stopped.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/epsvlxn/pseuds/epsvlxn'>epsvlxn</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Red vs. Blue</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Multi, based on personal experiences of being neurodivergent and losing someone, blue team just wants to help, caboose has autism in this fic, caboose just misses his best friend and boyfriend :(, post s13 but before s15, trigger warnings for suicidal thoughts and self harm, vent fic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 08:28:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>546</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29309454</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/epsvlxn/pseuds/epsvlxn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Caboose can’t handle the fact his best friend, Church, is gone, dead, not coming back.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Michael J. Caboose &amp; Agent Carolina, Michael J. Caboose &amp; Agent Washington, Michael J. Caboose &amp; Lavernius Tucker, Michael J. Caboose/Leonard L. Church</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>When His World Finally Stopped.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>a caboose projection fic i made because sometimes we need to let our feelings out in healthy ways, unlike caboose in this fic.<br/>cw: caboose has autism and has an outburst that results in caboose doing s/h, hitting himself until he bruises, he also has horrible thoughts, coupled with a suicidal tendency!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>His world stopped.<br/>It stopped with the death of Epsilon, with the death of Church.</p><p>Caboose held out hope that Epsilon would appear out of Meta / Tucker’s helmet. For months it sat on his bedside table, watching over him while he slept, while he worked, and the nights where his thoughts would overwhelm him. </p><p>This day had especially horrible thoughts.</p><p>Everyone thought him to be dumb, but in actuallity, Caboose’s mind would just overwhelm him when he spoke. Three AI's in his mind, fighting to get each other out of the young Caboose’s head, mentally scarring him. Dr. Grey had said it was something called asperger's syndrome. (which he found the name yucky: who would want an ass burger! and what is a sin drone?) The fighting in his brain had a hard effect, rough, jagged edges in his mind. But when Epsilon had gone into his implant the first time, everything felt smooth, coherent, he could understand himself for a brief moment. </p><p>He liked to think about the softness of Epsilon, and the jaggedness of Church.</p><p>But thinking about Church and Epsilon tonight had him upset. He could have done something to stop Church from going into that E.M.P, he could’ve done something to stop Epsilon fragmenting. <br/>He could have done something. It was his fault. He should be dead, he should grab his pistol and-</p><p>He stopped his thoughts there. He needed a break. Maybe he would go on a walk, like Wash had always suggested.<br/>Speaking of..</p><p>“Caboose, what are you doing awake?” He had said from the door.</p><p>“Um.. Nothing, Agent Washington! I just had a bad dream!” Caboose replied, wiping his eyes, not realizing he had cried.</p><p>“Caboose..” Wash had started, and the large, blue soldier knew what was coming. “I know you miss Church, we all do, but you have to get some sleep, you did the same thing last night.”</p><p>Caboose looked away from Wash, to the helmet that sat on his nightstand, staring into the orange visor.</p><p>He felt broken. He had relied on Church for so long, ever since he was 19 and had just arrived in Blood Gulch. <br/>But Church was gone, he knew that deep inside, but hadn’t accepted it completely.</p><p>Caboose had realized how his eyes had changed, since O’Malley, Tex, and Church fought in his head, which permanently changed one eye a deep purple, and the other a sky blue. At the time, Caboose was thrilled. (“Church! Church! Look I have a piece of you!” He had exclaimed when he saw, Church just told him to “Put your fuckin’ helmet back on, and stop yelling, it’s 8am.”)</p><p>Caboose missed Church, he missed him a lot.</p><p>“Caboose..” Wash’s voice had finally registered in his head. “C’mon buddy, you were hitting yourself again.” That’s when he had noticed the raging pain of his skull, and the pain in his knees.<br/>“I.. I’m sorry, Agent Washington..” He had barely gotten out. </p><p>Wash had just sighed a gentle sigh. “C’mon, let’s go grab Tucker and go to Lina’s room. We’ll protect you from the bad thoughts, I promise.”</p><p>Epsilon had said that to him once, the day before he disappeared.</p><p>“I won’t leave, I promise.”</p><p>His world had finally stopped with the death of Epsilon.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>oh boy, yeah, i needed to get some of these emotions out</p></blockquote></div></div>
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